Seems like everyone these days is either looking for a threesome, fantasizing about one, or both.

A recent study showed that 82 percent of men and 31 percent of women said they are interested in having a threesome.

Despite this interest, only about 24 percent of men and 8 percent of women own up to having had participated in a threesome.

So what is getting in between the fantasy and the reality? For one thing, if you can even get over the common insecurity of jumping into group play for the first time, finding the right third can be a lot of work. If you have a significant other, not only do you have to find the right match for yourself, you also have to find the right match for your partner.

The process can seem daunting.

Here are my top 3 quick tips for setting up a successful threesome experience.

  1. Be clear about your major “wants”

Before you start searching for a threesome, it is a good idea to check in with yourself (and your partner if you have one) and determine what are you major goals (or fantasies) for the threesome. Most people just think a threesome will be “hot” and don’t think beyond that. But your odds of success are better if you have criteria prior to searching for and interacting with a third. Whether you are looking for an multi-gendered threesome or also open to NB (non binary), the activities you would like to do during the threesome should be determined prior to contact. You should also go over what your reasons for having a threesome are – and have a talk with your partner about theirs. For example, is this to spice up your sex life? Are you using the threesome to get to do things in the bedroom your partner is unwilling to do? Are you wanting to explore sexual pleasures together with other genders? Is this to fulfill your collective or individual fantasies?

2. Communicate, communicate, communicate

There is no room in group play for “hiding the ball” when it comes to consent and boundaries, as well as desires and expectations. Make sure you discuss openly what you are looking for with a potential third and make sure you are all three on the same page. Go back to tip #1 and recount those “wants” and expectations with your potential third and see if they are compatible. However, be mindful not to openly proposition people on apps. You can be subtle and still be clear about your intentions. If you are looking for a third for a threesome, using a casual dating app is the #1 way to go. If you are messaging someone in search of a threesome, be mindful that they could be intimidated by blunt talk about sex acts, especially womxn. Try to get to know them a little as people first along with their sexual preferences. With the Zin app, you can also set up a group chat so that you can all three discuss the potential threesome in one place.

3. Be unicorn-friendly

This is a big one. How you as a couple treat your third is a cornerstone of a great threesome. I have discussed this with many a unicorn (a unicorn is a single female seeking to play with other couples) and one of their biggest complaints is that sometimes when a couple seeks a third, the unicorn is treated as an object and a toy, which is not ok (unless of course the unicorn specifically wants to be treated as such as their kink). A unicorn is a person and deserves respect. You should always do a “meet and greet” ahead of time if possible to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry. Ask questions, don’t just blurt out all your desires. You may want to ask what type of aftercare each person wants, as well as what kind of communication will occur before, during and after the threesome hookup. One specific area is to determine whether all three will be sleeping together after sex (ie, staying the night). You don’t want to just kick your unicorn out or force her onto the couch or out the door if she was expecting to stay the night and/or get some cuddling after sex.

Finally, you should always make sure to protect yourself when dealing with strangers on a dating app. With Zin your personal identity can be protected, including your phone number, and Zin also offers privacy protections if you are sharing pics with a potential partner so that those pics cannot be shared outside the chat.

Now that you have some ideas on how to have a successful threesome, go forth and “multiply” the partners in your bedroom!