There is an interesting point of view that sex never spoils the friendship. Is that really so? What kind of special connection is friendship with benefits, and exactly what benefits does it bring? How to find a gay friend and start an FWB relationship? Everything and even more in our today’s article!
What Is Gay Friends with Benefits?
If you have watched the famous film “Friends with Benefits” with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, you should probably know what FWB stands for. Two people enjoy each other’s company, have a time of their lives together, yet they don’t define themselves as a couple. In some way, this is a kind of untraditional connection without any romantic, love subtext where both sides are free and independent.
So, FWB, in a nutshell, is having all the advantages of relations (regular sex, experiments) plus friendship (means gossips, walks, etc.) and minus boring hassle routine (house chores, bills). The only problem is to be ready for that kind of hookup.
How to Start Friends with Benefits Relationship?
When you meet the person for the first time, you will never think: “I love him/her so much!” You will probably like their outfit or body, notice hot glance or seductive smile. The first impression is not about deep attraction or feelings, it’s all about hormones and your body’s response.
When you’re getting to know the person, discovering all their cool and ugly sides, your body stops sending you signals, and sexual tension gets lower and lower. This is the reason why so many couples lose their passion and break up. A friend is the one who you’d never imagine going out with. But the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. Oscar Wilde said: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it”.
The best way to start FWB relations is to be honest. If you are not going to introduce this person to your parents as your “soulmate”, if you are not ready to say “bye” to all your other lovers (potential or not), then there is only one right decision – tell the truth. Acting that way, you protect yourself from any kind of blaming in future.
Of course, there is no guarantee, that you will hear the positive answer. Not everybody is ready for no-string attached relations, you need to keep that in mind. However, nothing stake, nothing draw.
Before starting FWB connection, it’s also quite important to discuss the meanings of “friend” and “benefit” for both partners. It’s rather possible, that you are out of sync. This is normal, but it’s something you won’t like to find out while relaxing after great sex.
Basic Rules How to Provide Gay Friends with Benefits
Is there actually any difference between heterosexual and gay FWB? The answer is definitely no. The rules are the same, so just check the following list of advice to find out if this kind of relationship really suits you.
- Don’t take this too seriously. And also don’t expect your partner to take your relationships to heart. First of all, you are friends. This means no romantic dates, no family dinners with grandparents and uncle Tom, no visiting Ikea to choose the furniture for your shared apartment.
- You both are in the same boat. Make sure that you have discussed all the details of your FWB relationship right before you start them. Remember that your partner isn’t a decoder, so you need to use words and not some kind of non-verbal signs to explain your point. Why is this important? In case your partner starts being romantically attracted to you, you will always have these last boundaries: we have agreed, so I owe you nothing. This may help avoid misunderstandings and being hurt.
- FWB is ongoing. You should never think of this as long-term relationships that will then grow into something more. FWB has a limit. This is the kind of interaction that needs to be appreciated here and now. Don’t make plans, have fun, enjoy the moment!
- This is not about monogamy. Each of the partners in an FWB relationship should remember, that he/she is not the only one. Both of you are free to have as many other partners as you want. And it’s also not about polyamory when each of the partners should know the exact number of “others”. In general, you are free, and so is your friend.
- Be honest about your sexual life. All FWB thing is about friendship after all. And friends are the people who you can trust the most. It must be an awful moment to find out about any kind of illness that you didn’t have before the relations. Transparent talks should be the “must-have” in all the relations. But when you have a no-string attached arrangement, honesty is your ticket to success.
One more important thing: FWB relationship often ends just as unexpected as it all started, with no reason, no explanation and (an absolutely ideal variant) no pain. However, in such a partnership there is also no space for jealousy, complains or claims, so potentially you won’t be too much stressed after a break-up.
Tips for the First Date
The idea of FWB relations may help you decrease stress while the first date. It’s not kind of interview and you shouldn’t expect to get a mark in the form of a call or a message the next day.
There are a lot of ideas about dos and don’ts for the first date all around the internet. Guess what? Almost all of them work the same when it comes to FWB.
- Don’t mention previous relationships. You are not here to cry on a shoulder, you are here to have fun! Forget about what hurt you before and concentrate on the astonishing experience that is right in front of you.
- Act natural. Don’t force yourself to do something that you usually avoid. You’ll definitely regret that. Just relax and be yourself.
- Touch barrier. Even when both of you know what is going to happen next, it’s better to keep some personal boudaries at first. Touch your partner’s hand before you hug him/her, that will be like asking permission.
- Keep your phone away. No need to explain how rude it could be when your partner spends your whole date at the local texting someone else. Focus on each other and not your gadgets.
Don’t forget to be polite and respectful. This guy may have known you the whole life while being your best friend, but that doesn’t mean that you have a right to offend him. However, do not dramatize, because you might feel awkward.
In the society that is still not very tolerant of all the queer men, having friendship with benefits may be a rational act. You owe each other no love and no romantic, however, you still have great sex and don’t feel guilty or confused telling your colleagues “We are just friends”.
Friends with benefits relations set you free from any kind of doubts like “what if”. You are able to discover your own sexuality without being disturbed by odd thoughts “what should we eat for dinner?” or “did he put my black socks into the laundry?” So, don’t lose your chance to make some good friends!