Best Craigslist Alternatives for Adult Personals in 2020

Craigslist classified advertisements website terminated its Personals section in 2018 due to the passing of the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act legislation in the US. Such measures were taken to prevent human trafficking, prostitution, and sex crimes.

Measures taken for a good cause, yet many have lost their favourite site for interacting with people and finding a date or a sex partner. The whole era has been gone along with the Craigslist Personals ads. However, it didn’t stop people from their feelings and desires making them turn to other places to satisfy their needs. And behind closed doors there is a whole gamut of unique penchants and sexual fantasies, which one is willing to liberate.

So, embrace your nature with like-minded people and we will show you the ways.

What Is Sexual Casual Encounters?

Are you looking for a one night stand in Los Angeles tonight? What are you googling then? Casual encounters? No strings attached? NSA? DTF? If you checked all of them, your sex life is definitely not boring. So, what all of the above mean and how to define the casual encounters? It all refers to a non-formal sexual relationship between two or more people that involves no commitment or long-term partnership. No romantic garden-variety dates, just sex. No commitments. No obligations. Just fun.

Craigslist, dating apps, and social media have caused a massive surge in casual encounters due to their startling ease. Mediocre bars, cheesy los angeles nightclubs, and friends’ houses – all of it demands unnecessary efforts that could be skipped. And that was the reason the Craigslist casual encounters were so common and popular. The website created a comfortable space for the user to meet a one night stand partner or a few yet from the comfort of their home. By delivering sex with ease and comfort, Craigslist and its replacements have taken the world by storm.

Where Can You Find Casual Encounters Now?

While some are lamenting the Craigslist personals shutdown, others are already looking for alternatives to replace their beloved website’s section. And since nothing is irreplaceable, the equivalents are plentiful. Especially, entering a new decade, 2020 promises even more websites of better quality, sophisticated match-making algorithms, and bullet-proof privacy tools. New technologies pave their way for better user experience, making casual encounters effortless and safe like never before. Among the spots to find NSA encounters online are websites and applications. Despite the great strides made in online dating apps, the scammers are everywhere. They can be looking to steal the user’s personal info, money or even endanger their life. The reasons can be numerous. However, it is upon the person to register only with the trustworthy platform, and in turn, it is the platform’s responsibility to take all the measures to provide safe and secure environment for all of its users.

Here is a list of websites and apps that make up for the craigslist personals.

Best Dating Apps for Casual Encounters

Though many resorted to Craigslist personals ads and have regularly used the platform, its closure became a blessing in disguise, making a way for new and budding platforms. Online applications are springing extensively every day with better interface, convenient user-experience and tailor-made methods of matching individuals. They have taken into account the users peculiar preferences and demands narrowing down the search.

Among the best latest dating apps for casual encounters are the following:

Zin

Zin is one of the best Craigslist alternatives on the market. Though it is a new entrant into the field, it has everything to fulfill your wishes. Straightforward communication with real people (no fake accounts) without compromising your privacy, isn’t what you are looking for? Zin brands itself as “casual encounters dating app” leaving no room for interpretation. It connects sex-positive people who are up for Netflix and chill.

No need to link up your Zin account to any social network like Facebook or Instagram or worry about you sensitive data leakage since Zin’s servers don’t store any bit of it. There are also secret chats for private communication along with the posts available for everyone which you can reply to. And you yourself can post anything you want and wait for someone to reach out to you. The flirting app supports multiple gender choice and relationship categories. Thus, any LGBTQIA+ person will be comfortable here.

OkCupid

The Time magazine listed it among top ten dating apps in 2007 operating worldwide. It celebrates diversity and inclusivity with multiple gender categories (22!) and orientations (13!). They were the first dating app that offered such multiple choice options. So, if until now you couldn’t find you gender on any other app, OkCupid is likely to fill the void.

As of today, their strong suit is the questionnaire which pops questions on multiple topics from feminism to climate change and even more, trying to link people based more on interests rather than physical appearance. So, if you are looking for a smart cookie in your bed, here is the first choice. Among the other benefits are instant chats, free and premium accounts. It supports same sex connections and polygamous ones.

Tinder

Alright, there is probably not a soul who hasn’t heard of Tinder. It is the most known and internationally recognized online dating service. It boasts over 50 million registered users and over 1 billion swipes a day. It also introduced More Genders feature supporting inclusivity. Unlike OkCupid, Tinder centeres more on appearance when match-making.

Tinder’s perks are a game-style dating process, simple registration either through social networks or phone number, and responsive customer support. Tinder cares about user’s safety and features dating tips, and particularly, sexual health and consent section. It is location based so you can find a partner within a specified distance.

Pure

Los Angeles is among the top 5 cities where Pure is actively used. And that is no surprise. The most distinguished feature of Pure is anonymity and directness. Isn’t it what the busiest and crowded cities are looking for?

The match-making is easy. Once the match has been established, you have only one hour to make the sparks fly. Otherwise, the chat window expires and you have to say goodbye to that person for good. So, you have a very limited time to build a mutual interest and rush into adventure afterwards. On top of that, it represents a bullet-proof security making sure your dialogues are not stored and nothing can leak to scammers. So, if you are DTF it is really convenient, though some users claim there is a shortage of real pictures in user profiles.

Best Dating Sites for Casual Encounters

Not keen on installing any app on your smartphone? Browse for the websites on your personal computer or smartphone likewise. Adult Personals are still popular with people of all ages and gender because we don’t like to say goodbye to old friends, right? That is the reason many still seek nsa partners on free local ad posting sites like Craigslist Personals.

Adult FriendFinder

Adult FriendFinder or AFF is not exactly the Craigslist in look but it definitely in functions. It is a social network for adults and a dating service at the same time. On the welcome page you will see that it aims at connecting people for hookups, swinger experience and basically any sex practices. Here you follow the beaten track by browsing sex personals and click to reply. You have private chat rooms at your disposal hiding your private messaging from prying eyes. Icing on the cake is cybersex function which caters to the laziest. You also pick the closest city so you can meet with your partner in no time.

Adult Search

This one is a Craigslist sibling indeed. The interface and services are alike and you can easily find a partner for sex in the same manner as you would do on Craigslist site. Just post a free personal ad. It covers all the areas in the US easily connecting men, women, etc. for a one time thing.

Bedpage

This one is also a free classified website to post personal ads. It is simple in use and design, yet striking with a tiresome signing up procedure. It requires plenty of details for verification aiming to tackle fake users, which is both its strong and weak points. Nobody wants to waste precious time on registering just as nobody wants to bump into a fake account and waste time as well. So, be patient and you will be rewarded. It has a separate Meet&Fuck section…so you know what to do.

Double List

Doublelist.com is a decent replacement of Craigslist personals. It is free and has an up-to-date design, much more trendy than its predecessor. Here, you get to select a city, and relationship variations such as couples for couples, straight for gay, women for women, dating miscellaneous, and even platonic. Users get to post their personal ads as well specify what they are looking for exactly.

Oodle.com

Oodle personals are the best among classified websites. Why? It breaks the mold of traditional advertising websites and includes profile pictures. You can scroll through the personal ads and reply based on appearance rather than caption. You can also filter who you are looking for based on gender, the US city and relationship category. Casual encounters is among the options. So, if you are not ready to install any new-fangled app, visit this website. It combines the best of both worlds.

Fetlife

If you are into a kink world, and your perfect casual encounter should crave for something more than vanilla sex, opt for the Fetlife website. It is a social network for people with peculiar fetishes and sex preferences. Here, you get to meet like-minded people and join the events organized in your area. It looks nothing like Craigslist personals but it is definitely worth a visit for those who think out of the box.

All of the above apps and websites are unique and cater to the needs of all genders and sex preferences. Though they look and operate differently, they all share a common thread- to connect people for a casual sex in LA or elsewhere.

Successful Gay Friends-with-Benefits Relationship

There is an interesting point of view that sex never spoils the friendship. Is that really so? What kind of special connection is friendship with benefits, and exactly what benefits does it bring? How to find a gay friend and start an FWB relationship? Everything and even more in our today’s article!

What Is Gay Friends with Benefits?

If you have watched the famous film “Friends with Benefits” with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, you should probably know what FWB stands for. Two people enjoy each other’s company, have a time of their lives together, yet they don’t define themselves as a couple. In some way, this is a kind of untraditional connection without any romantic, love subtext where both sides are free and independent.
So, FWB, in a nutshell, is having all the advantages of relations (regular sex, experiments) plus friendship (means gossips, walks, etc.) and minus boring hassle routine (house chores, bills). The only problem is to be ready for that kind of hookup.

How to Start Friends with Benefits Relationship?

When you meet the person for the first time, you will never think: “I love him/her so much!” You will probably like their outfit or body, notice hot glance or seductive smile. The first impression is not about deep attraction or feelings, it’s all about hormones and your body’s response.
When you’re getting to know the person, discovering all their cool and ugly sides, your body stops sending you signals, and sexual tension gets lower and lower. This is the reason why so many couples lose their passion and break up. A friend is the one who you’d never imagine going out with. But the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. Oscar Wilde said: “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it”.
The best way to start FWB relations is to be honest. If you are not going to introduce this person to your parents as your “soulmate”, if you are not ready to say “bye” to all your other lovers (potential or not), then there is only one right decision – tell the truth. Acting that way, you protect yourself from any kind of blaming in future.
Of course, there is no guarantee, that you will hear the positive answer. Not everybody is ready for no-string attached relations, you need to keep that in mind. However, nothing stake, nothing draw.
Before starting FWB connection, it’s also quite important to discuss the meanings of “friend” and “benefit” for both partners. It’s rather possible, that you are out of sync. This is normal, but it’s something you won’t like to find out while relaxing after great sex.

Basic Rules How to Provide Gay Friends with Benefits

Is there actually any difference between heterosexual and gay FWB? The answer is definitely no. The rules are the same, so just check the following list of advice to find out if this kind of relationship really suits you.

  • Don’t take this too seriously. And also don’t expect your partner to take your relationships to heart. First of all, you are friends. This means no romantic dates, no family dinners with grandparents and uncle Tom, no visiting Ikea to choose the furniture for your shared apartment.
  • You both are in the same boat. Make sure that you have discussed all the details of your FWB relationship right before you start them. Remember that your partner isn’t a decoder, so you need to use words and not some kind of non-verbal signs to explain your point. Why is this important? In case your partner starts being romantically attracted to you, you will always have these last boundaries: we have agreed, so I owe you nothing. This may help avoid misunderstandings and being hurt.
  • FWB is ongoing. You should never think of this as long-term relationships that will then grow into something more. FWB has a limit. This is the kind of interaction that needs to be appreciated here and now. Don’t make plans, have fun, enjoy the moment!
  • This is not about monogamy. Each of the partners in an FWB relationship should remember, that he/she is not the only one. Both of you are free to have as many other partners as you want. And it’s also not about polyamory when each of the partners should know the exact number of “others”. In general, you are free, and so is your friend.
  • Be honest about your sexual life. All FWB thing is about friendship after all. And friends are the people who you can trust the most. It must be an awful moment to find out about any kind of illness that you didn’t have before the relations. Transparent talks should be the “must-have” in all the relations. But when you have a no-string attached arrangement, honesty is your ticket to success.

One more important thing: FWB relationship often ends just as unexpected as it all started, with no reason, no explanation and (an absolutely ideal variant) no pain. However, in such a partnership there is also no space for jealousy, complains or claims, so potentially you won’t be too much stressed after a break-up.

gay friends

Tips for the First Date

The idea of FWB relations may help you decrease stress while the first date. It’s not kind of interview and you shouldn’t expect to get a mark in the form of a call or a message the next day.
There are a lot of ideas about dos and don’ts for the first date all around the internet. Guess what? Almost all of them work the same when it comes to FWB.

  • Don’t mention previous relationships. You are not here to cry on a shoulder, you are here to have fun! Forget about what hurt you before and concentrate on the astonishing experience that is right in front of you.
  • Act natural. Don’t force yourself to do something that you usually avoid. You’ll definitely regret that. Just relax and be yourself.
  • Touch barrier. Even when both of you know what is going to happen next, it’s better to keep some personal boudaries at first. Touch your partner’s hand before you hug him/her, that will be like asking permission.
  • Keep your phone away. No need to explain how rude it could be when your partner spends your whole date at the local texting someone else. Focus on each other and not your gadgets.

Don’t forget to be polite and respectful. This guy may have known you the whole life while being your best friend, but that doesn’t mean that you have a right to offend him. However, do not dramatize, because you might feel awkward.

Conclusion

In the society that is still not very tolerant of all the queer men, having friendship with benefits may be a rational act. You owe each other no love and no romantic, however, you still have great sex and don’t feel guilty or confused telling your colleagues “We are just friends”.
Friends with benefits relations set you free from any kind of doubts like “what if”. You are able to discover your own sexuality without being disturbed by odd thoughts “what should we eat for dinner?” or “did he put my black socks into the laundry?” So, don’t lose your chance to make some good friends!

How to Find a Kinky Partner?

Have you ever dreamt in your sexual fantasies of spanking, role-playing or blindfolding? Well, you and many of us are kinky to some extent. Sex life can go far beyond a simple intercourse and vanilla sex. Kinky people embrace their fetishes and break the mold by experimenting with their intimate desires. Kinky lifestyle is no longer deemed as something extraordinary in big cities and anyone can find a partner for such sexual activities. However, it is not as easy as it seems. As someone’s kink might be a foot fetish, and another person’s is a group sex, it is necessary to find a kinky partner who would share the same interests as you. Looking for a compatible and like-minded person can be a challenge but only for those new to the business.

Here is the guide on what to start with when looking for a perfect kinkster match

Though it might sound boring, but you have to pick the category of kink you fall under. Yes, penchant for latex and ropes is not the only fetish. Think about your sexual fetishes, what you are looking for, and ultimately what you can offer.

Among the common kinks are:

  • Role-playing and fantasy
  • Threesome, group sex, swinging
  • Voyeurism
  • Masochism
  • Psychological play, etc.

The list of sexual kinks limits only to your fantasy and safety concerns. So, bring to the table whatever makes you arouse and share your “kink menu” with a potential partner and exchange you interests. If you are both comfortable with unique needs and consent to the sexual activities, then you are good to go. Remember, it is essential to discuss all the do’s and don’ts, set boundaries and reach a mutual understanding before rushing into it headfirst. So, all the parties will get the most satisfying experience.

App to Find Kinky People

As the dating apps are springing right and left, you will be spoilt for choice. However, asking your Tinder match to go beyond missionary and engage into something more edgy might be tricky. While some would frown upon that, others would insecurely refuse to such sexual practices. That’s the reason you need to narrow down the search and focus on Kink specific websites or Kinky sex finder. Here comes the Kinky tinder counterpart, Zin. Our app is specifically designed for casual dating with no strings attached. Zin is a community for free-spirited and open-minded users where anyone can find a partner or partners to live out their most intimate fantasies. Here you will be able to specify your interests in your online dating profile. You can state your sexual preferences (male, female, male+female, male+male, etc.), describe your personality and expectations. This way you will spare yourself the douchebags and tedious conversations, making only the ones who meet your criteria reciprocate.

On top of kink-specific navigation tools, the app prides itself on high-end security and privacy. In the wake of digital data being a valuable asset, no one wants his\her personal chats leak into the world, especially when it comes to sex. We incorporate high-end encryption system and don’t store your information on our servers. On top of that, there is no need to connect your Facebook or Instagram account to Zin when registering.

Here at Zin, your sexual curiosities are safe from prying eyes and you are the one who calls the shots.

Where to Meet Kinky People

Though online is the easiest way to enter the kink world, it is always a good idea to explore offline for its multiple benefits. The main advantage is that you will get an eye-to-eye conversation and evaluate your chemistry before building up to something more intimate. The pool of kinky people is smaller and not that obvious since no one puts a sign saying they are kinky. In a real world, to get a kinky partner one needs to know the ropes.

Here is the list of options to check to join a kink community:

  1. Fetlife
  2. Gay\Lesbian bars
  3. Munches
  4. Play parties
  5. BDSM workshops
  6. Hashtags and groups on social media

Fetlife is a social networking website that boasts over 8mln users and positions itself as Facebook for kinksters. Here you will be able to check events in your area, ask questions, join groups or even create your own. The user can indicate his\her own fetishes, post pictures and videos, chat with other members and befriend them. Indeed, like Facebook yet with a kink. This will keep you updated on kinky gatherings in your area, a munch, so you can join the community and establish useful contacts.

Munch is a BDSM gathering which is basically an ordinary social meeting in a public place. Kink-minded people come around to chat and socialize at a restaurant on a weekly or monthly basis. That is especially beneficial for newbies who enter the scene and look for information and acquaintances. At the event, you will also be able to learn about private play parties which are usually planned in advance for trusted people from the community.

Gay and lesbian bars are definitely more fun than traditional counterparts. And folks there are more open-minded. So, even if you don’t find anyone compatible there, someone can introduce you to the right person. So, be friendly and communicative and maybe your new acquaintance would introduce you to a friend with the same sex preferences as yours.

Finally, make use of social media. Facebook communities and posts, hashtags on Instagram and Twitter, and ultimately, Google search – they all have the information you are looking for. When a kinky sex finder has successfully played its role and you have found the one, try to go on a couple of dates with the potential partner. Act normal and don’t try to pull off something extraordinary- leave your kinks for the bedroom. On a date you can discuss the terms of your partnership and see how you get along.

As always, play it safe and learn about the venues you are heading. Notify your friends of your new kinky partner and send your location. Path to pleasure lies in trust and consent just like an ordinary love affair. Everyone looks for ultimate sex experience not the trouble.

How To Be Good At Sexting

sextingAh, sexting. That age-old tradition that started with the advent of the cell phone.

In the age of app dating, you would be hard-pressed to not find someone who hasn’t either sexted someone or been sexted by someone.

But what does it take to be a good sexter?

Here are some key tips to mastering the art and science of sexting. (Note: this article focuses mainly on how to sext early on in a dating or casual dating scenario.)

  1. Be authentic

In other words, be yourself. Don’t imitate others or text things that are not true to who you are and what you want. Any sexting should come from the present moment – what you really feel like saying (within reason and with consent and receptivity on the part of the recipient). Of course, you can always embellish for effect, but keep it within the bounds of your sexual “brand.” For example, don’t sext about bedroom acts that you have no intention of doing just to impress the recipient. And don’t lead anyone on by combining sexy talk with “lovey dovey” talk as if you were intending a LTR if you only intend to keep things casual. Be sincere and honest.

2. Follow the “yes, and” rule

In improv, there is a rule that helps the improv scene flow and progress: the “yes, and” rule. This rule basically means if someone says something, you respond with a “yes, and…” and then build or riff off that thought. For example, if I got a sexy text from someone and they said, “Tuesdays are for hooking up,” I could take their lead and say, “yes, and Wednesdays are for recovering from Tuesdays…wink wink.”

The point here is to not shut someone down with a “no” or a contradictory response, but to build off of their text with something new.

3. Compliment!

All sexting should include some sort of compliment of the recipient. It is a great way to break the ice, and further establish trust and intimacy with someone. This is especially true if you use more specific aspects of their appearance or sexy vibe. For example, you could compliment a womxn’s curves and talk about how they turn you on. Or, you could simply text “you are soooo sexy.”

Flattery will go far. Use the recipient’s first name and some nice sexy adjectives along with it. A good sext is to say “I can’t stop thinking about you. Your [insert body part] drives me wild.”

4. Test the waters, then build

Timing is everything, especially in dating, and even more so in sexting. A well-timed sexual zinger can make or break your hookup. So, it is important to first read your recipient’s messages carefully and get a feel for how receptive they may be to your sexual advances. Nothing worse than bringing out the big guns too soon. Of course, a lot depends on gender and sexual identity here. I don’t want to generalize too much, but if a gay man is texting another gay man, the sexting can probably get pretty hot and heavy early on, whereas with men texting women, some subtleties may be in order in the beginning.

In any event, you might want to first hint at something sexual before coming straight out and talking about sex acts. When you are having a “normal” conversation via text, and you are wanting to start sexting, sometimes it is hard to know when to “slip it in” (pun intended).

A good way to do that is to ask questions that are sexually leading. Usually, the best way is to find a segue in the conversation. For example, if you two are talking about nature, you could send a text indicating your interest in sex outdoors or asking if they have had “camping sex”.

Or, you could talk about how excited you are at meeting them (if you haven’t yet), or how excited you are that you matched or met.

If you test the waters and you either sense some receptivity or get a sext back in response, then game on! It is now time to build into a sexting crescendo! Up the ante by increasing the intensity of your texts. Be flirty and fun and not too “in your face.” (And don’t send an unsolicited dick pic!) Try bringing in some longer sexts about what you might want to do together with your recipient.

The sky is the limit here (but also consent is the limit). (Zin is great at protecting your privacy, so you can feel free to sext inside our messaging app and send sexy photos knowing they won’t be shared.) You may want to consider sending emojis and gifs to get your message across. A good ole peach or an egg plant is a standard sex emoji. Or you can use other common sexy emojis, like tongue out, taco, and water droplets.

  1. Use your imagination

Sexting is a great way to connect to someone. Your sexts should give them something hot to think about and also pique their interest. Sexting should also be fun and entertaining to both you and your recipient. So, try to use your imagination as much as possible. Consider texting sexual scenarios you have always wanted to try, or something new you haven’t done in the bedroom. This is a good way to see if you are a sexual match with the person you are texting.

A good basic template for this is, “I want you to [insert sex act] so bad right now.”

***

There you have it! Don’t be shy- send that sext!

 

The Importance of Privacy Protection In Messaging

Privacy Protection In MessagingPrivacy is an informational boundary that helps us have autonomy and individuality.

In other words, when we have privacy, we are free to be ourselves.

Have you ever had your privacy breached? It doesn’t feel good. A breach of your privacy affects your “willingness to be vulnerable” and even a perceived breach of privacy can forever alter your attitudes towards digital communication. Evidence suggest that “‘data breach fatigue’ does exist, and the fallout is harmful to both consumers and the breached organisations.”

Communication inside private chat apps or messaging apps has become the fastest growing area of social connection, which makes it all the more important that those communications remain private to avoid the emotional downside of a digital breach.

There are many reasons why privacy in chat settings is vital. For one thing, if you don’t have privacy, you will be more guarded in your speech. You have more freedom to express yourself if you feel like you can control who is reading your messages.

It makes sense: if you believe or fear that someone (including a government or corporation or hacker) can access your messages, you will be less likely to be open with your content.

And connections between people are important. Studies show that human connection is even more important than nutrition for health, and the lack of connection between people is associated with higher health risks.

So how do you ensure your social connection via messaging is private?

There are several things you should look for in private messaging:

  • Does the app offer encryption? Encrypted or “secure” messaging generally means end-to-end encryption for user-to-user text messaging. Essentially, encrypted messaging prevents anyone from eavesdropping on your text conversations.
  • Does the app store your data on their servers? If so, for how long? Private data that is stored can be hacked.
  • Has the app been hacked or breached before? There are apps specifically designed to spy on WhatsApp messages. Even Facebook messenger is vulnerable.
  • Does the app sell or share your information with advertisers?

Given that privacy is key, especially in today’s world with more and more messaging apps vulnerable to spying, it is important to choose a messaging app that puts your privacy first.

Zin came into being because of privacy concerns for the casual dating community. Privacy protection is the cornerstone of our mission. To protect the data of our users, we bring high security app functions to private chat. Zin offers:

-encryption

-no data storing

-no drawing from social media

-timed destruction of private photos

-screenshot protection

Zin boasts best-in-class privacy features to keep your personal profile and your messages safe and secure for free. We take your privacy seriously. We use end-to-end encryption, and, unlike other apps, we never store messages on our servers once they are delivered to your device. Our chat protections include the option of hiding a phone number and protecting your sensitive media. When you download the app you will not be asked to link up to social media accounts, further protecting your anonymity.

In addition, Zin offers screenshot protection and self-destructing photos. For example, if a user wants to send a sensitive photo, they can turn on the self-destruct feature, which will allow the recipient to view the photo and then it will erase itself. Zin also blocks a recipient from taking screenshots with their phone. When you preview a photo to send, you can restrict the recipient from taking on-device screenshots.

Zin also provides an unsend feature. The app allows you to delete messages you already sent. When “Unsend” is tapped, the message is deleted from the chat dialogue for both sender and recipient.

Protecting the trust and privacy of our users is what Zin is founded on and committed to accomplishing. Download the app now and start your secret, private chatting for free!

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy and Should you try it?

Ethical Non-MonogamyEthical non-monogamy (or ENM) refers to the practice of non-monogamy in a, well, ethical manner. The title implies that you can be unethical in non-monogamy (which I find interesting because how many unethical monogamists do you know? Right, exactly.)

The term and practice has been explored in countless books and blogs, most notably Ethical Slut, More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, and Opening Up.  In recent years, it appears people have become more open to non-traditional relationships or have become more open about how free they are in their relationships.  ENM might be practiced by your neighbors, friends and family without you knowing it.

In this article I will break down ENM and its different parts and give some tips on how to practice it if you find yourself called to it. If you already have some experience with ENM then you might learn something new.

Consensual Non-Monogamy

ENM is sometimes referred to as CNM, which means “consensual non-monogamy.”  For the purposes of this article, I will focus on CNM and ENM synonymously because ethical non-monogamy requires consent at its core.

First, let’s back up and get a handle on what non-monogamy means. Generally speaking, non-monogamy means having relationships with more than one partner. According to Wikipedia, non-monogamy  is defined as “an umbrella term for every practice or philosophy of intimate relationship that does not strictly hew to the standards of monogamy, particularly that of having only one person with whom to exchange sex, love, and affection.”

Swinging, open relationships, polyamory, and even what is termed “monogamish” can all be part of what is considered non-monogamy.

Now that we have that general overview, let’s look at the “consensual” part of CNM: this means that all parties to the relationship consent to the arrangement, meaning “agree to” the arrangement and boundaries. The communication and consent are what make the relationship parameters “ethical.”

But keep in mind each arrangement or non-monogamous structure can be wildly different. For example, one couple could have a rule that they must each divulge all partners to each other, while another group might have the rule that sex or relationships outside the couple are generally not disclosed to the other partners.

In any event, the “consensual” part generally means the parameters are agreed upon at the outset of the arrangement and prior to venturing out.

The difference between polyamory and an open relationship

Even though polyamory and open relationships are both part of ENM or CNM, they are distinct forms of it.

Polyamory is in the realm of an “open relationship” but is different in that typically the relationships formed both in and outside the core relationship are not just sexual. Love or romance is involved. Polyamorous people are often committed to loving and spending time with multiple partners, not just having a sexual relationship with them.

On the other hand, open relationships tend to refer to a situation where one or more partners in a relationship want to be satisfied sexually outside the relationship (in addition to inside the relationship). For example, perhaps one partner desires more sex and the other partner is comfortable with the current state of their sexual relationship. Both parties could agree that the sexually exploratory partner can go out and have sex with other people. Or both could.

Can you “cheat” while in an ENM relationship?

The answer is: yes. Cheating can be defined as doing anything that you feel you cannot tell your partner. It is not about the sex, it is about the lying and breach of trust. For example, if you are in an open marriage or an open relationship, and your rule is to not start dating someone seriously, any actions to date someone must come with that intent otherwise the dating activity will be a breach of trust. CNM requires communication on steroids – you must communicate, communicate, communicate, whether you want to or not. And especially if you are feeling weird about telling your partner- it usually means it is something that is outside the trust of the relationship and should be disclosed and dealt with.

Should you try ENM?

If you have read this far in this blog post it is clear that you have an interest in ENM. If you if are considering an open relationship, an open marriage, polyamory or just have a new partner who is into non-monogamy, then you might want to carefully consider what you might be getting into.

At the least, you should read up on ENM (check out the books listed above) before entering into a non-monogamous relationship, as well as talk to people who have experience. These resources can help you prepare for the potential pain or jealousy that can come up and also know what to expect. You need to have enough information so that you are (a) sure that this is something you want and (b) are as prepared as you can be. These relationships tend to be complicated and require communication on steroids.

Sometimes you won’t know if you want this type of relationship until you try it. And also remember that it can depend on each person in the relationship. For example, you might feel like you could have an open relationship with one person, but another partner it is clear that you or they or both don’t feel it is right.

If you and your partner decide to open up your relationship, you can use dating apps to find a “third” or other partners. Tinder has been flooded with couples seeking a unicorn (usually a woman to join as a third partner). The trouble is that Tinder wasn’t designed for this type of search. Zin, on the other hand, is designed with couples in mind, allowing them to select what type of relationship they are looking for.

One way to determine if you might want to try ENM is to start to “dip your toes” in the ENM water by getting on a dating app like Zin and communicate with your partner as you look for posts. You can also create a post looking for potential couples (ie, if you are single looking to form a triad), or a post looking for singles (if you are a couple looking to form a triad or a third).

Talk with your partner and get feedback every step of the way. Also, remember to be respectful of the singles or couples you are talking to on the app. They have their specific needs and desires, too.

A successful relationship is built on trust. If you find that it is difficult to overcome jealousy or if you just don’t trust your partner, then it is probably not a great idea to jump into ENM. If, however, you have a solid foundation of trust and have great communication, then ENM might be for you.

Done right, opening up your relationship to ENM could be an adventure that is worth having!

 

With Kik shutting down its messaging app, who will take its place?

kik alternativeOn September 24, 2019, Kik Interactive announced it was shutting down its popular messaging app due to a lawsuit filed by the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC).  The suit was filed against the company in June over its 2017 digital token sale. The sale raised $100 million, but the government accused Kik of making an “illegal unregistered securities offering.”

With Kik rebranding itself as “Kin,” focusing on cryptocurrency, and abandoning its messaging app, it begs the question: who will fill the gap?

Alternatives to Kik include Whatsapp, Viber and Snapchat.  Recently launched, our app Zin, offers an alternative closely aligned with Kik’s use for casual encounters and chats (ie, sexting).

Whatsapp/Viber

Whatsapp is a pure messaging app. It was acquired by Facebook and has millions of users,  availing themselves of features like texting, calling and sharing various media.

Viber offers a more Skype-like appeal, with instant messaging and voice/ video calling.

The drawback to using these types of messaging apps is that they do not offer end-to-end encryption or have security features that protect your privacy and anonymity. In fact, just this year Whatsapp was hacked and the security of 1.5 billion users was threatened.

Zin: messaging with extra privacy protection 

Kik was known as a top sexting app due in part to its feature of allowing users to create anonymous usernames difficult to trace back. Zin goes even further with safety and privacy and offers users a similar private and anonymous registration, protection from data breaches (by not keeping messages on our servers), and some features seen only in high-security apps.

Zin offers screenshot protection and self-destructing photos. For example, if a user wants to send a sensitive photo, they can turn on the self-destruct feature, which will allow the recipient to view the photo and then it will erase itself. Zin also blocks a recipient from taking screenshots with their phone. When you preview a photo to send, you can restrict the recipient from taking on-device screenshots.

Zin will also offer something sexters might find useful: the unsend feature. The app allows you to delete messages you already sent. When “Unsend” is tapped, the message is deleted from the chat dialogue for both sender and recipient.

On top of being a highly secure messaging app, Zin is also a casual dating app, allowing you to post and find matches in your area.

So, if you are looking for an alternative to Kik, head over to Zin!

For Bisexual Women: How to Have A First Date With A Girl

women meeting womenToday the world celebrates Bisexuality Day! In the spirit of celebrating the bisexual community and bi visibility, this post is dedicated to bi dating for women.

When you first discover you are bi, there can be a flurry of emotions and thoughts around that. Some can be confusing, others bring clarity.

In any event, if you know you are bi (or bi-curious) and you know you are ready to go on a first date with a girl, this article presents our top 3 tips to having a successful first date.

  1. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there

In order to have your first date, you first need to find one. Our app, Zin, can help you find a lesbian woman in your area and provides safety features in messaging so you don’t have to worry about biphobia. You can search posts and see if there are matches close by.

As intimidating as dating can be, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and ask a woman out on a date. And, once you are on the date, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and open up to your date about who you are and what you are looking for.

Be prepared for questions about your experience with men and women. But don’t feel like you have to justify yourself. It is perfectly ok to be exploring and not know exactly what you want or have a need to put a label on it.

A great place to date women is in Los Angeles, where there is a large bi-sexual community. If you are in LA and looking for bisexual companionship, you have a good chance of meeting lots of like-minded women.

  1. Manage expectations

Dating is dating, regardless of the gender or sexual identity of the participants. It is good to get excited – that first flush of greeting, that sweet anticipation, the butterflies in the stomach – those are things that make dating fun and thrilling.

Make sure that you manage your expectations and know what your limits and desires are prior to going on the date. For example, if this is your first bi-sexual experience, you are going to want to discuss this with your date. It can help calm your nerves.

I remember my first date with a girl. I was so nervous. But once we started really talking and connecting, those nerves lightened their grip on me and I relaxed into just getting to know her and enjoying her company, without expectations.

Remember that a first date is a chance to “try each other on” and see if there is a fit. And, it is just fun to get to know someone knew.

  1. Take it slow

Dating takes time. If you are new to this game, you really need to not rush things. This ties in with tip 1 and managing expectations. Don’t expect your date to want to jump into bed right away. On the flip side, don’t allow your date to overstep your boundaries and set a pace that is too fast for you. You want to take your time and feel out how this is feeling for you. Sometimes dating a girl means remembering that neither one of you wants to make the first move. In that case, someone has to. If that someone is you, make sure that you have consent and communicate and listen to your date and pick up on her cues. If she puts her hand on your leg or shoulder during the date, is flirty and touchy, then you might be getting the signal that she is interested in some physical touch. However, that does not always translate to sex. You may be in the girl crush stage, where there is a lot of flirting but one or both of you are not yet ready to go “all the way.” And that is ok. Feel it out and communicate.

When you are ready, take the plunge and have a great first date!

 

 

Top 5 tips to introduce kink to your man

Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship

Countless wives and girlfriends went home after the 50 Shades movies and told their significant others how those BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism) scenes turned them on. Maybe you were one of those women who got turned on, only you didn’t have the guts to bring it up to your man. You may have been longing for your man to dominate you like Christian Grey, but either too afraid to tell him, or have told him with mixed or lack-luster results.

Here are our top 5 tips that can help you introduce kink into your relationship the right way. (This article focuses on a male-female couple from a female-identifying perspective, but some of these principles may also apply to all gender identities.)

  1. Take a light-hearted but sincere approach

This is a big one. If you are wanting your male partner to explore some kinks with you, then how you bring it up to him is key. Don’t wait until you are in the bedroom getting it on to blurt out a random kink you have been wanting. Make sure you have a full and open discussion about it outside of the bedroom first. Don’t build up to it with tense energy as if you should be ashamed of your desires. Rather, preface the conversation in a light of exploration as a couple. In other words, you are wanting to do this with him.

The best way to raise the issue without emasculating him (especially if it is about wanting to be dominated) is to ask him questions, maybe over a few cocktails or in a casual, fun setting with just the two of you. Date night can be a good time to bring it up, since it is a time you are both focused on the relationship itself. And as sex can be a key component to a healthy romantic relationship, having a conversation on date night about the direction of your sex life is sexy, fun and productive.

In addition, if you are in a large area like Los Angeles, you can take advantage of local meetups, dungeons, and maybe swinger events. As a couple, you can learn, socialize, and meet people in the LA BDSM/kink “scene” and see if there is anything that interests you.

Get on apps like Zin and start talking with other sex-positive people in your area. Open conversations tend to provide the most information and mind-expansion. Our app allows people to explore sexual desires without the fear of social stigma or privacy concerns. Once you register, you can start exploring posts seeking playmates and see what options are out there. Peruse them with your boyfriend and get his take. You might end up jumping in and participating in group play (ie, a threesome). It can be a great way to bond as a couple.

  1. Communicate, communicate, communicate

It can be intimidating to bring up kinks or fetishes to your partner. Most people worry they will be judged by their partner. If your boyfriend, husband or significant other seems really “vanilla” to you, you might be tempted to presume that he would not be game to try your kinks. Don’t assume anything. The only way you can incorporate kinks into your relationship is by communicating.

A great way to bring up your kinks to your guy is to each fill out a sexual exploration questionnaire. You can each fill it out separately then come together and have a conversation about each one. This process can provide some objectivity and you might be surprised to know where you and your partner’s kinks come together!

Try to find common ground. See where your particular kink could coincide with what you are already doing together. Or what you already know he likes.

For instance, if you are wanting to get into BDSM and if he in the past has spanked you lightly on the butt, you could mention that in your kink convo and start by asking what he liked about it or if he wanted to do more. Then share what you liked about it and that you’d like to “take it further.” Then you could mention some activities in BDSM that you are interested in (such as restraints, impact play, etc) and ask if he would like to try them.

  1. Don’t judge his reaction

It is important not to “kink shame” yourself for having these desires. It is equally important not to judge your guy for his response to your kink discussion. Remember that his initial response might be that he had no idea or it might take him a little bit to digest what you are saying if this is the first time you are raising the issue.

Sometimes men are concerned with pleasing their woman. They don’t like to feel like they might not be able to do something well (particularly in the bedroom). So if he doesn’t just burst with excitement when you first tell him of a kink you want to try, don’t judge that as meaning something. Wait. Listen. You might have to give it a little time and be patient.

  1. Don’t push the “vanilla wall”- go around it.

If your boyfriend has exhibited any kink behavior or brought up any kink before, then you have an opening to discover whether he is kinky or not. Or at least “kink-adjacent.”

The challenge comes when you try to open the kink window and he gives you nothing but general, “vanilla” responses. “Vanilla” tends to refer to sex that does not involve anything deemed unusual or kinky.

You can tell if someone is interested in kink by whether they follow the “yes, and” rules of improv. If you bring up a kink and his response feels more like “yes, and I like this, this and this,” then you know he is already on board with kink in general.

However, if you hit the “vanilla wall” where you bring up a specific kink and ask if he is interested and he doesn’t give you a “yes, and…” answer but a vague “I like whatever you like,” this will call for more discussion. He could either be afraid of bringing up his kinks to you, or he could simply not be interested at all.

You cannot bulldoze through the “vanilla wall.” Let me repeat that. You cannot bulldoze through the “vanilla wall.” Don’t berate him or hound him or bring it up repeatedly the same way. The only way through is around. This is where you will want to compromise in order to get what you want. You need to get him to buy into your kink enough while still ensuring he is getting what he wants in the bedroom.

Finally, kink and BDSM are based on full and free consent. If he gives you a solid “no,” you need to respect it.

  1. Get educated on kink

Kink and BDSM tend to differ from regular sex in that there are more safety concerns: emotional, mental and physical. For example, you can’t just tie someone up with rope without knowing what type of rope, how to tie it, how to untie it, and how the rope will tighten as you play (so as to avoid injury).

Some of the top books to help you explore kink and bdsm are The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic EdgeThe Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink: Educational, Sensual, and Entertaining Essays.

You can also check out websites like KinkAcademy which has a ton of free content including videos for people of every interest and experience level.

So there you have it! If you have been holding off bringing up your kinky desires, now is the time to take a risk and use these tips to help you open up your relationship to its kinkier side!

 

How to date a non-binary person

non binary datingDating is tricky enough, but when you add the ever present layer of society’s binary viewpoint, it can be downright difficult to navigate….that is unless you start to educate yourself on what non-binary really means.

First, I should say that I am not speaking as a non-binary (or “NB”). I am a cishet person who identifies as a womxn and goes by the pronouns “she/her”. I identify as queer or fluid. I have never dated an NB. So my perspective on this topic is much narrower than I would like. I have a close friend who used to date a non-binary and took the time to call me out on a few things.

Even though I identify as kinky and really open-minded and sexually “worldly”, one of the first things that had to change was my vocabulary.

“What are your pronouns?”

Yes, it is 2019 and we do give a f*%ck about pronouns. So if you have any resistance to asking a potential date about what pronouns they prefer or if the idea of calling someone a “they” bothers you, then I would take a step back and really assess whether you can call yourself an ally. If you don’t have a problem with this, but are simply in unfamiliar territory, you can either (a) read up on pronouns (if you are into comics, this is a fun read and informative) or (b) simply and respectfully ask questions. An honest question can avoid a whole heap of trouble in misgendering someone.

Realize it’s a daily battle

The world is ridiculously binary. And people get stuck in that mindset, making it hard to get out. People who don’t identify with a gender tend to have to deal with constant assumptions about their gender and who they date. Calling someone a “partner” instead of default to “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is a good way to start offering a better dialogue.

Go ahead and talk sex!

Don’t shy away from getting to know your potential date or getting to know your partner even more by asking about sexual desires and preferences. Don’t assume anything. Be curious and open and listen. There are many ways to have sex, and gay or queer sex is a broad category.

See if your sexual desires match up to theirs.

But whatever you do, don’t ask questions like “how do you do it?” or you will out yourself as blatantly heteronormative.

Above all, remember that we are human beings first, and whatever gender we choose to put on top of that is a personal choice.